Wednesday, 20 July 2011
So I've reached 30 years of age.
I love it.
I haven't been too reflective approaching this age. I've simply let it roll and embraced it.
My story is one of self-destruction and brokenness to transformation and healing. It is a story that I believe only makes sense because of who Jesus is and the story of God in all of human history. My story has no significance outside of God's great story.
So reaching 30 is a gift from God, a beautiful gift that I thank God for.
When I look back on my own story I see God's touch of love and compassion, healing and hope, chastisement and correction. I see that I am truly blessed.
I have above and beyond all I could ask for or imagine as I have reached this age.
I am married to a beautiful woman who has taught me how to love. When I met her I was selfish, proud, abusive and drunk. She has taught me to be generous to others, humble in life's circumstances, a servant and to seek being filled with the Spirit. There are times when I continue in selfish actions, self exaltation and hurtful ways, but by the grace and love of God these times are rare. She has shown me the beauty of relationship and the wonder of love. She is more precious to me than I could begin to describe. I am thankful to God that he continues to teach me what it means to be a husband. I need Him to teach me daily.
I have to beautiful daughters who daily give me a glimpse of God's heart. I still cannot believe I am a father. I love them. They are amazing. They teach me honesty, integrity and how to be authentic. They teach me about prayer and how to love God. They show me that every moment is precious and that we should try never to take any moment for granted. They are wonderful.
I have shared my entire life with my twin bro. One egg that split into two. Two babies that grew. Lives lived together for so many years. Lives still shared even though we live a few hundred miles from each other. We have a closeness and a connection that is hard to describe. We share similar thoughts and aspirations. We believe similar things. We are very different. We are uniquely ourselves and uniquely a twin. He teaches me how to be real, to tear off the mask and to live honestly.
I live in a house, I have food to eat, clothes to wear and water to drink. I can watch films, read books, look at the internet and use a phone. I have friends and family. I have more than I could ever want or need.
I am so aware of all those who have so little, who suffer and struggle. I wish that I was better at being more compassionate and more loving to my neighbour. I wish I had the balls to do more for those who are suffering and abused and oppressed. I wish I was less selfish. I wish I had the kind of heart that bled and longed for those who suffer.
I wish I loved God more. I want to be able to pray more. I want to be better at loving God. I want to be a man who takes seriously the call to love God with all that we are. I fail at this all too often. I wish I took seriously the call by Jesus to take up my cross and follow him. I need God to change me. I turn 30 far from being the man I need to be.
I belong to Jesus.
He dragged me from the depths and transformed my life. I turn 30 as a man who has been given life by God. I have experienced His love, grace and mercy. I am a new creation. I am forgiven and being forgiven. I am redeemed and being redeemed. I am saved and being saved. I am restored and being restored.
I am who I am because God is who God is. My identity lies in Him. All I am finds its goal and its purpose in Jesus.
Today is a good day. 30 is a good time.