Monday, 22 September 2008

The Hit

So I crave it
I desire it
It makes me feel so good
I'm on such a high
I feel the buzz when I inject myself
The warmth through my whole being
The high as my thinking goes fuzzy
The ease as my vision blurs
I feel so good

Then I come down
The disillusenment
The hurt
The pain

My thinking becomes clear again
My vision comes into focus

It wasn't that good
It wasn't that high

But I was sucked in
I lived and breathed its world
It made me feel so good
It made me feel the best
My pride, my ego all boosted by the hit

Now I'm on a low
No longer is it coarsing through my viens
No longer is mixing fiction into reality
No longer are the lies sweet like honey on my tongue
Now it hurts
I need a hit, but cold turkey is better.
Can I cope without it?

But I go back to it
Crave it again
Desire its fiction
Escape reality
I look for ways to find the gear
Inject myself
This is my 'Hit'
I've let it define me
Am I made in its image?

What is this substance that I desire so much?
What is this that I need to get through the days?

The praise and adoration of others.
It is the way I am defined by people around me.

This is my 'Hit'.
I feel so good when people love me and praise me.
I feel so good when I let others define me by the praise of me
It is a high that I thrive from
It makes fiction greater than reality
It makes my own ego swell and delight
It makes my vision blurred
My mind a mess
But it feels so good

Then they take it away
Then I become normal
No longer defined by their praise
No longer adored
Simply normal
Even disliked
So now I define myself this way
It is a low

Yet it shouldn't be like this
I shouldn't be like this
I should not be sucked into this world that I have created

I am me
I am who God has made me
I am not defined by the praise of others
I am not defined by the slander of others
I am defined by who God has made me to be.

I am created in His image
In the image of Christ I am created

I am me
I am not defined by my comparrison to someone else
I am not defined by the man on the poster
I am not defined by the things I own
I am not defiend by the books I read...

Yet I am...

How can I be in the image of God?

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